Harriette Cole: Should I forgive my mom and let her see the baby?

DEAR HARRIETTE Throughout my entire pregnancy my mom treated me badly Related Articles Harriette Cole I m appalled that my dad billed my mom for painting the rooms Harriette Cole Need-to-know lessons from a beautiful mother Harriette Cole The day care worker regretted her bad advice about my child Harriette Cole The bride thinks my wife will create drama at the wedding Harriette Cole I want our vacation to be G-rated and my son s girlfriend is not I was when I uncovered out I was pregnant and she was not happy Not only was I not married but I wasn t in a particularly stable relationship either She held a grudge supposedly out of shame or embarrassment She barely spoke to me and when she did she was not kind Eventually I decided to stop letting shame rule me and that s when things got more combative between us We d argue because I didn t want to hear her shrewish comments all day So I moved out My daughter is now months old My mom constantly calls and offers to help but I still have a lot of resentment for how she treated me during the pregnancy Should I forgive her and move forward for the sake of my daughter Grandma s Grudge DEAR GRANDMA S GRUDGE You are presumably right that it took your mother a bit to get real about your situation It can be hard for a mother to witness what could be a big challenge for her daughter That reported it sounds like she is making the effort to come around That s a good thing You should forgive her as forgiveness frees you from pain You should talk to her let her know that she hurt you during that incredibly vulnerable time in your life and that you need to know that she will make the effort to be kind and respectful if she gets involved in your life now Ask her to promise you that Then welcome her into your family DEAR HARRIETTE A meager weeks ago one of my closest friends came to me asking if I thought she should break up with her boyfriend of two years Their relationship had been rocky for a long time she d vented to me about the constant arguments feeling unappreciated and how stuck she felt She seemed truly torn but also emotionally drained After listening to everything I stated her that if she wasn t happy and didn t see a future with him it might be time to let go She ended up latest up with her boyfriend and now she s mad at me She says she misses him terribly and that I pushed her into ending it I ve tried to remind her that it was ultimately her decision and that I was just being supportive and honest based on what she had recounted me She keeps making snide comments like Well you got what you wished as if I broke them up myself I feel awful that she s hurting but also a little confused and hurt myself I thought I was being a good friend Was I wrong to give my opinion In the Middle Related Articles Miss Manners I want to tell these parents that their children are at exposure Dear Abby After all those dates she says there s no spark Was I played Asking Eric My wife doesn t believe she s giving too much mother-in-law Harriette Cole I m appalled that my dad billed my mom for painting the rooms Miss Manners We can t have a graduation party and nobody s going to be happy DEAR IN THE MIDDLE Apologize to your friend for getting involved in her relationship at all Remind her that you answered a question that she solicited you directly Still it is not your business and you won t make that mistake again Rarely does it work for people to give input into their friends love lives It s best to keep your opinion to yourself unless you feel your friend is in real danger Then it s worth it to lose a friend to save a life Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions to askharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO