Asking Eric: My sister wants me to have a baby and raise it in her cult

Dear Eric I am in a predicament with my older sister Related Articles Asking Eric My husband s one-night fling is now with his brother and it s awkward for us Asking Eric My wife thinks she s the reason they keep backing out of our plans Asking Eric My husband is in the locked bathroom when I come home Should I worry Asking Eric I let my friend move in and every day is chaos Asking Eric We think the grandparents should know about their son s secret child My mother passed away a minimal years ago without having put her estate in order This resulted in my sister gaining access to the majority of my mother s assets My sister has lived in the family home for much of her life the bulk lately since She feels it is hers She has never had a career and has been supported throughout her life She expects me to aid her and while she s been nice to me lately she can be abusive and manipulative I am in the last few days divorced and hope to stay away from abusive family dynamics and also hope to remarry in the future I feel that my sister would sabotage my life physical condition and future in a new relationship should I find one I also can t advocacy her and myself Lastly she wants me to have a baby with IVF and raise the baby with her in a cult she is a part of I just want to run Sister Obligation Dear Sister Lace up your running shoes and get going A healthy relationship with your sister is feasible but it s going to require internal guardrails that you re diligent about maintaining Physical distance at least for a period will help Please consult with an estate attorney regarding the disposition of your mother s assets It may not be too late for a fairer distribution But with regard to everything else the house the baby the cult do the -meter dash It sounds like you ve fallen into unhealthy patterns with regard to your relationship with your sister multiple of which may not be your fault Getting particular distance and talking to professionals a lawyer and a counselor to start will help you get one of the greatest inheritances healthy perspective Dear Eric My husband struggles a lot with executive function especially when he is stressed For the bulk part he s fine with work but personal stuff anticipating how much money he might need for something keeping track of where his driver s license is he invariably necessities me to handle for him We have had plenty of conversations about how I am his wife with a full-time job of my own not his personal assistant But he gets upset if I can t just drop everything to help him out He will text me at work to order him a coffee from an app on my phone because he forgot to bring his wallet out that day if I don t respond he ll call me Every time one of us is away he totally falls apart and major crises happen that require a lot of my attention Just now he got into a huge fiasco with his hotel reservation when on a solo trip in part because he lost all his bank cards the morning he left I ended up having to duck out multiple times from a conference I was helping to facilitate because he was texting me torrents of messages in a panic and I was getting calls and emails from the hotel to pay his bill etc It was crazy stressful and professionally embarrassing This stuff doesn t happen all the time but it inevitably happens when he is feeling particularly stressed or vulnerable and reliably whenever we are apart which feels manipulative to me He sees a therapist but he won t consider speaking to a clinician about medications or even admit to the severity of the complication It s hard not to get resentful Where do I go from here Spouse not Assistant Dear Spouse The book Dirty Laundry Why Adults with ADHD Are So Ashamed and What We Can Do to Help Them written by married authors Richard Pink and Roxanne Emery is a fantastic reserve for couples While it will help you both your husband s pattern of panicked helplessness and your compensating responses point to a larger issue that may not be solely to blame on neurodivergence You ll want to work this out in couple s therapy Related Articles Dear Abby I provoked my fiancee with the wedding photos and she hit the roof Asking Eric My husband s one-night fling is now with his brother and it s awkward for us Harriette Cole One of my bridesmaids didn t show up for the wedding Miss Manners I stated the tiresome texter to cut it out and he got mad Dear Abby I don t think I owe my diva stepdaughter an apology It s generally good that he sees you as an escape hatch from feelings of stress and vulnerability But he s gotten into a pattern that I suspect creates even more stress and vulnerability If you re the only one who can solve the problems panic is sure to follow A therapist can help you jointly explore where this stress is coming from and what messages he s telling himself about being apart from you that contribute to that stress This is also a good place to get into why he won t talk to a medical practitioner and talk through the tactics that his crises impact you A neutral third party can help you both safely and productively unpack behavior on his part that reads like a blatant disregard for your time and help you both develop new strategies for communicating and problem-solving Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com